We must end this!
My stomach was aching at the dinner table while I slowly ate my Baked Marconi and Cheese. “I can’t keep doing this,” I said to myself as I stared at the bowl in front of me, “I can’t keep allowing you to control me.”
That moment I wanted to cry because my whole life I’ve allowed food to control me. I’ve allowed food to cause me pain and I continue to attend to it like a slave knowing my health is suffering. I am suffering!
I think the saddest part of it all is trying to end this toxic relationship on my own. So many people around me have blamed me for the lack of effort or judged how many times I’ve tried to seek help. I have become so frustrated I just keep going back for more. For those who are not attached to food, it is easy to say no and walk away. However, when you are tied to food and it creates happiness in your life, it is difficult.
My whole life I have loved food. Growing up I always had a strong appetite. I was the kid who asked for more or went up to the stove for seconds. Once, when I was a kid, my mother took me to Mc Donald’s a little before dinner. About an hour after we ate I said: “Mom, that was a great snack but where is dinner?” From that moment on, my mother acknowledged my love for food.
In culinary school, it got worse. I was open-minded to trying anything. I tried liver, lamb bacon, deer, and rabbit. Things I never even thought of eating. At the time I told myself that in order to be a good chef I should know what things taste like. My freshman 15 turned into freshman 30. By the time I graduated college I was 210 pounds (my starting weight was 180). I knew I had to “shut it down” but instead I just kept munching and crunching.
Now, at 24 years old I am ready to say goodbye. I cannot keep living this way. I cannot keep hanging on to food and loving it more than I love myself. The older I get the harder it gets and it’s frustrating. I’ve made so many excuses for food. A lot more than I am proud of!
But, today I own it. I am telling myself, and the world, that food is my enemy and my weakness. Food is like a drug and clearly, I am the addict.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Food…it is time we break up. It is time we walk away from one another. This is for my future self, my future kids and my future husband. I’ve said this many times but today it is different. The reason why is because today I mean it. I am finally fed up. In the past year, my stomach has weakened, I was told I was pre-diabetic and I’ve tried over three diets.
Friends, I want you to know that it is okay to keep looking for diets. It is okay to fail! The key is getting back up and trying again. So no matter how many times people roll their eyes to a new method of weight loss keep trying. I am not going to stop until I reach my goals.